The Midnight Blog- Evening Energy Burst

I often find myself almost completely lethargic all day. Moving down the sides of the hourglass with molasses like speed. With a downcast look on my face and my arms crumpled in towards me. But when 5:00 pm hits—it’s like a lightbulb blown up.

A young woman with blue hair with a third eye surrounded by purple and yellow flowers. Nicknamed 'Me'

All of a sudden, it’s go time and I gotta write, research, market myself, make art, and designs and…. I’ve never really, until I quit my job that is, found myself to be a night person. Most of my jobs had me working in the evenings, which I would absolutely haaate.

All day long that’s all I would think about. And it would gnaw at my happiness or what little joy I could squeeze from my day.

Now navigating this new aspect of my life—because that’s how I have to think about it—is unknown territory. Loads of time is set before me, to which I thought was the gateway to my sense of freedom, now feels cold and lifeless.

I thought I could just bury my head in work, then that obviously failed. Seeing as how my auHD brain works, if no immediate results are present, I completely think it was a waste of effort and time.

It is hard to admit failure. It is hard to accept a reality in which my best efforts at succeeding at building my business were not enough.

Now any marketer (yeah, like I’m the expert here XD) will probably tell you that you just need to play the long game. Building connections over time will give you that boost months down the road. But it feels as though I’m running out of time.

I think of that song from the live action Alice in Wonderland from Disney. ‘Always running out of time’ by Motion City Soundtrack. The song is light and upbeat despite the lyrics suggesting otherwise. Give it a listen while you read, the whole movie soundtrack is awesome too.

The song is about regret and worry.

Will I regret the time that I’m spending on this now?

What if I don’t reach my goal in time?

In time for what though?

The end goal, to everyone, is that eventually we all die. There’s no goal and there’s no goal. And these past couple weeks of hiatus I’ve been musing about that. And other things like taking care of my body, relationships in my life, accomplishments I’ve made, and the looming future ahead of me.

Well, for now, this is the edition today. I've been reworking things in my life. I still want to write. I still want to be in communication with people. This past weekend has been exhausting. Making a two-hour trip back-to-back, staying with a family member in the hospital, house issues. It's like it can't get worse then it does. But I'm going to be human and realize the situations ahead of me and present.

So I'm going to do the best that I can with what I have.

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