Faith: The Beauty in Destruction
- May 22
- 7 min read
Updated: Jun 10
Created: May 22nd 2025
Edited: June 9th, 2025
That’s been a recurring theme of my life, faith. Lately, I've been thinking about my life. I've been spending some time playing this gatcha game. Where you take apart the screws holding together this 3D puzzle image. I find myself appreciating the time and art put into creating the image.
Then I find myself saying out loud, no less, "Ohmygoshsopretty-- I can't wait to deconstruct it." With like the stupidist grin on my face because I'm so excited to take it apart.
I used to hate change. Even before it happened it's like I could sense it in the air almost. What would worry me so much was the anticipation of the feeling of change months in advance. And some days I do find myself in the worried spot. Anticipating what will come next.
Now I can't wait for The Tower, the image in the major arcana of Tarot, to come crumbling down. And consisting of that tower would be the foundations of Before and whatever is left is what I make of it. There is a joy in that. That things must be built in order to have a tower crumble.
I grew up in the church, as I’ve mentioned in my previous blog posts. And when things got tough, I was hammered with, “It’s for a reason” or “God wouldn’t put you through this if he didn’t think you could handle it.”
Of course, anyone who’s had even a small stay at a church will tell you that they’ve heard this before.
In fact, at the time, the statements never bothered me. But as I got older, I felt the once comforting phrases pressed into my back with a cold blade. Why would a god that was so omniscient put me through the ringer if I could just go an easier route? Now everyone's stories are different. So, I won't make a blanket statement on what 'should' be or anything like that.
For me I'm very stubborn. I'm independent and I want to do things how I want to or invision. So my ego takes control of the wheel until I see the vision through. So in my spiritual lessons end up me learning the hard way. Because I ignore my intuition's stop signs/lights and keep on truckin' through.
When I really should be communicating my needs and wants to those around me spiritually and in the 3D. Myself, included. To see what options are available to me. Instead of just plowing through the roadblocks and detours the Universe has set up for me not just 'for a reason'. But because I may need to learn a lesson or two before another stage of my life unfurls.
It wasn’t until close to high school when we (our church youth group) went to the National Youth Gathering for Lutherans seminars where we really started to dissect those statements.
Which was unheard of in my small southern town. You listened to the preacher/pastor and don’t ask any questions. Because it’d be like questioning God’s word or something of the other.
The gathering we attended was held every four or three years. I can’t remember it’s been so long. And all the Lutheran churches around the U.S. would send their kids there for like a week.
And usually there would be a theme. There would be games, tours, lots of walking and seminars you could sign up for. Within one of those seminars was a woman speaking about strengthening your faith by asking questions.
Not gonna lie a surreal moment for me at the time and now for just mentioning it in here. I didn’t think I would talk so much about the church in these posts. I’m no longer affiliated with them. And I’d be considered a pagan and Hellenistic by most XD Ooo I know! So spooky and unconventional. But this is the foundation that I constructed so long ago. And then destroyed. Then built anew in my life.
So anyway, the speaker and many other likeminded individuals had pointed out that those sayings at the beginning did not, or perhaps, reflect the full spectrum of what religion/faith should consist of.
And through stages of my life, both difficult and easy, I have pushed my curious heart to seek out what Spirit really means to me. And how I can learn from the Universe how to lean on her. And get to know the many facets she’s personified.
Because I mean if you think about it, we all came from one place or another. Either your belief in a higher power origin story or just materialized from the elements/cells we all came from somewhere.
And we made all these religions to connect ourselves to the land, to be truly a part of something greater than what we could see normally or on a molecular level.
It’s fascinating to me. So, over the past five years or so I’ve been getting in touch with certain gods and goddesses. Trying to understand how they could help me be less occupied with the 3D trivial stuff.
And while I didn't want to be associated with Christianity anymore, I still wanted the feeling of belonging somewhere a church, so to speak. Years ago, I was living with my partner at the time and living with not very good roommates. And I was often left alone to my own devices while my ex was at work.
I used my journal a lot in those days. My book of shadows. My journal was like my best friend. I talked about the cycles of the moon, what was happening with me, exploring tarot for the first time.
A good witch should always have a shadow journal and a separate one for rituals, spells and the like. And I say this because you should have a place you can go to either physically or in your mind, to talk to the darker parts of yourself. The parts you wish to hide from the world because of shame or fear.
And as I moved and grew with time (years) the gods, deities passed like seasons. In the wintertime, usually, I would be in touch with Lucifer (ooo super scwary rolling my eyes into the back of my head), Asmodeus, Nyx, Erebus. To name a few.
Depending on what was going on, they would be there to help me transition into a new part of my life, divination tools, talking, prayers for myself and family. I've never felt so close to Spirit before until getting to know all these deities. They've heard me cry and laugh and a mix between those two. All because I allowed them into my life.
Hera, Bast, Kali, Aphrodite, Hades, Persephone, Demeter and I know I’m forgetting quite a few in my early days of straying away from the conventional path. Of course, more followed that I'll be mentioning at some point or another. And as I started making their altars I realized pretty quickly, I was running out of room to put things. So different deities became associated with similar deities and pantheons and kind of piled on in. Depending on what item was associated with who.
One thing I will say is that by interacting with, beings in general, gods+ is that you should vet them, so to speak. Having a ward, a talisman, up to protect you from the meddling’s of those beings in your life that may be unwelcoming. Having clear boundaries with ghosts, fae, anyone in between is good. And being precise is key.
As well as this ward can be like a bouncer at a nightclub. You don’t want just any ole trickster spirit, you want the deity in question. This will save you a lot of time and heartache.
You want to be respectful but hold firm in your boundaries. Because this will require a lot of energy. Working with deities and the supernatural. It can manifest as headaches, migraines, sluggishness, nausea, fasting, etc.
So if it gets to be too much ask for a break. You can always take a step back from your spiritual work. If a deity asks you to do something that makes you uncomfortable in any way you might be talking to someone that’s not them as well. Especially if that certain entity asks you to do something that goes against your moral code.
I’m also not a doctor. Any symptoms persisting for more than three days, and you should call your doctor. Please listen to your body.
This also goes hand in hand with medications, therapy and anything else that you regularly interact with your health. Please continue to do and take what your medical professionals have advised for you. And be in contact with them if anything seems or feels weird to you.
I'm not trying to fear monger, but I feel it necessary to put that out there. I myself have had to take many breaks that stretched into days or maybe weeks. There is so much out there to explore, but being mindful that your body needs time and space to get used to any big shifts.
It was good talking to y'all again. I'll see y'all soon.
What artwork was your favorite?
a) Transformation
b) Smile Cathedral
c) Hekate's deer
d) Tropical Beach
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